Although 2025 continues to see the rise in reputation of extra country-sounding songs and extra songs of substance, this parallels a dramatic rise in actually actually unhealthy straight up pop and hip-hop tracks being inexplicably pushed to the nation market, and organizations like Billboard inserting them on nation charts, no questions requested.
We’ve seemed on the Greatest Nation Albums of 2025 So Far and the Greatest Nation Songs as nicely. Now it’s time to run down the WORST that 2025 has needed to provide.
Morgan Wallen – “Miami”
I’d somewhat get brained by a flying deck chair from 4 tales up than be subjected to a different nanosecond of Morgan Wallen’s “Miami.” Classes 5 hurricanes with retired names and devoted Wikipedia pages have inflicted much less catastrophic harm and resulted in fewer publish traumatic stress diagnoses than what “Miami” had wrought in 48 hours after its launch. This track is such a catastrophe, it’s seen from House.
And naturally “Miami” comes with NINE songwriters, although this contains the sainted Corridor of Famers Hank Cochran and Dean Dillon, together with Royce Porter who wrote the unique “Miami, My Amy” track. However one thing tells me that Hank Cochran, Dean Dillon, and Keith Whitley by no means envisioned shitty entice beats, and an electronically-generated refrain line of Oompa Loompas screeching out “Miiiaammmeeee…” time and again after they wrote the track initially. (learn full rant)
Graham Barham – “Oil Cash”
Prepared your rape kits America, as a result of the music of Graham Barham is spreading on social media like a nasty rash and infecting your little chickadees sooner than an ultra-viral avian flu. It’s simpler to discover a carton of eggs for below $4 as of late than it’s to uncover something of worth in Graham Barham’s so-called “music.” This dude oozes affluenza greater than a mealy-mouthed little $hit whose dad and mom paid off the native decide after he murdered a household of 4 drunk in his Bugatti.
Think about utilizing essentially the most superior surgical procedures enhanced by cutting-edge AI know-how to meticulously isolate and extract the very kernel essence of what made performers like Sam Hunt and Florida Georgia Line so sinister and cringe, after which utilizing the newest bio-engineering to extend the mass of this little piece of evilness till it takes a human type. That is what you get with Graham Barham. It’s completely all the pieces that was abhorrent about Bro-Nation in a purified, unadulterated state, served to the general public with no chaser.
If this man referred to as a spade a spade and admitted that is nothing greater than a nasty White boy hip-hop act, then it could be none of our enterprise over right here in By God nation music. However Graham Barham and the weasel-dicked cucks at Sony who signed this asshole truly legitimately suppose that is nation music. (learn full rant)
BigXthaPlug feat. Bailey Zimmerman – “All The Method”
Hey BigXthaButtPlug, simply since you’ve acquired tits the scale of Dolly Parton’s and are pre-diabetic like Gary LeVox of Rascal Flatts, that don’t make you nation, bud. You possibly can’t simply declare your self nation like Michael Scott in The Workplace declared chapter. You’ve acquired to do your 10,000 hours, and all you’ve executed is shoved Ho-Hos down your gullet and vomited again up straight up hip-hop verses which can be being label “nation” as a result of … nicely, I’m not precisely positive why. As a result of the TEMU model of Morgan Wallen is featured on the silly observe?
BigXthaButtPlug isn’t “evolving” nation music, he’s breaking it, like actually. There’s a triage of workplace chairs with busted casters from his visits to Music Row. Good lord don’t let this man step into the hallowed circle of the Grand Ole Opry stage or he’ll splinter the boards.
After BigXthaButtPlug had a #1 track in nation, I needed to clarify to my mom what a butt plug was. Wait, “Butt Plug” isn’t truly a part of his actual identify? Perhaps it’s a Freudian factor occurring as a result of that’s how I learn it. Effectively both method, screw this man, particularly since he made me clarify what a butt plug was to my mom for no cause.
Gary LeVox, Akon, De La Ghetto – “Maintain The Umbrella.”
I’d somewhat be caught on a poop cruise adrift within the Caribbean throughout a COVID Alpha outbreak, solely to de-ship in Cancun and be kidnapped and held for ransom whereas cartel cronies shove toothpicks up my cuticles than ever endure one other full second within the viewers of this “track.” Gary LeVox making an attempt to behave hip in his spouse’s cardigan is in regards to the biggest incidental comedy ever constructed.
The irony of LeVox singing “Maintain The Umbrella” when the man can solely correctly dress himself in plus-sized ponchos is fairly wealthy. While you consider the unique and tropical, do you actually consider the Rascal Flatts frontman? The one factor LeVox ought to be reppin’ is Cracker Barrel. His blood is sawmill gravy, in spite of everything.
Don’t know who the opposite two losers on this track are, however somebody ought to snitch on them to Kristi Noem and get all three swept up in a plain garments ICE raid and despatched to a torture dungeon in El Salvador to sweat away the remainder of their lives. Don’t put LeVox in Alligator Alcatraz although. His ldl cholesterol piss would poison the pristine nature of the Everglades.
This track can screw proper off.
Dishonorable Point out:
Josh Ross, Akon – “Drunk Proper Now (Na Na Na)”
Kane Brown – “2 Pair”
